Monday, April 13, 2009

DD6 and Pirates

See... the above is what "I" think of when I think Pirate... like "drool" and "omg... he's SOOOO gorgeous!!!!"

Then there's....

My DD6... who thinks of Captain Hook when she hears "Pirate".... so perhaps that will help you when you hear her story. :)

So, DH & I were watching an update the other day on the kidnapped Captain vs. the Pirates.

DD6 was in the room.

DD6 is also my "infomercial queen"... and requests all the time to get "everything" she sees on TV. Of course, I always tell her why we aren't going to order.

So... as we are watching.. DD6 says...

"Hey... what are they talking about?"

we respond with:

"Well, Pirates got an American ship and took the Captain Hostage!"

*picture eye rolling 6 year old* MOOOOMMMMM... you know you can't believe everything you hear on TV! You tell me that all the time! There IS NO Captain Hook and Pirates are NOT real. :hmph: Geesh!

Hubby and I are almost rolling on the floor laughing!

Then... she says...

"Mom.. do you still believe in the tooth fairy too?"

*Snort* BWAHAAA!

Sunday, April 5, 2009

The Middle Wife

This is hilarious... I just had to share: Kudo's to the author, although I don't know who the author is!

The Middle Wife (Midwife) posted 4/4 9:48am
I just got this cute email and thought I'd pass it along here! :goodvibes:

The Middle Wife

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.

She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.'

'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.'

She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. 'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)

'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)

'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshh heew!' (This kid has her le! gs sprea d with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)

'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe’. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there.'

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest.. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife' comes along.