Some people just don't understand

I know i haven't been on in awhile, but I feel I need to explain something.

I am, have been, and always will be... a father's rights advocate. Well, what happened in my life to make me this way? Hmmm, well, I'd have to take you back to the beginning, sort of. I'll number them to make it simple.

1) Kind of strange I feel this way since my own sperm-donor and I have nothing to do with each othe (and never will), but I am lucky enough to have the best REAL dad in the world... obviously NOT my sperm donor. However, through his actions and teachings, I saw that dad's can be good, honest, hard-working, fun, loving & always there for you, no matter what kind of dad. So, obviously someone was looking out for us Turk sisters... we get a real dad, and honestly it doesn't matter that it wasn't at infancy.

2) Next, I divorced my son's dad.. he was only 2. Yeah, he could be a jerk, but I knew he loved our son as much as I did. I knew he didn't and wouldn't do everything like I would, but neither would he have had we stayed married (eek)... so at a pretty young age, I realized that although he and I didn't work out, our son didn't ask to have divorced parents. He DID have 2 parents who loved him like nothing else on earth, so from our divorce forward (he's 20, almost 21 now) we have both (and believe me, it takes two to do it for it to work), we BOTH did whatever was truly in his best interest.

Did that mean I actually gave up TIME the courts gave me? ABSOLUTELY. Seriously folks, if it's your year for spring break and you have NO plans, honestly, what is the harm? If the kids have a 3 day weekend during school, geez, let the dad have that weekend. I did. Summer, well, we did have a few issues there just because of sports, but we worked it out without any ill effects. I did have to put my foot down there, because as we all know, kids in sports do better in life, better in school. The ex, wasn't a big sports person so it was really hard for him to understand, but he did it for our son. Because sports was important to the CHILD, he was good at it, loved it and I did what I could to give him any extra time that came up. I didn't HAVE to do that.... but I did. Ever heard the saying "Do unto others...." ????

Oh, and since we are on the subject... did I get along with Ex's girlfriends & wife? Absolutely. Of course, I liked them all... my ex has great taste in women. LOL

3) And lastly, but certainly not least... I met my husband. Who was the father of a 4 year old from a one night stand. Had I knew then what I know now... I think I would have run.. as fast as I could. But hindsight is always 20-20. What I did know was that this man was really good to me, my son and his own son. He wanted a good relationship with his son... although the son's mother made his life miserable... and this I won't get into too much, just know that if you can think of the most awful, hideous, psycho things to do and say, she did them. All of them. False allegations, interference with visitation orders, lies (lies, lies and more lies), and just plain hateful and spiteful.

It took quite awhile, but I finally realized why she was like she was. 1) she has some mental issues: personality disorders, narcissistic personality and those were diagnosed. I think she was also sociopathic. Why? Because no one who loves their kids will put them thru that. Ever. For any reason. My husband considered signing over all of his rights at one time just from the hope that by doing that, it would alleviate the abuse his son got at his mom's house. Thankfully he didn't... probably because I asked him how that could possibly help? Although issues with dad wouldn't be there, her other issues would be there forever.. and he'd pay the price.

So, we became a team and worked like crazy keeping track of all of the issues, phone calls, cops coming to our house, threats, allegations, etc... and almost TEN years after it started, my stepson moved in with us. Something I never thought would happen.

So... MOST people are like #2 above... 2 good people who weren't good together, but both love their kids. Well, those 2 people need to put their child(ren) before their own needs and wants. If they are total control freaks, it probably won't work out well. But if you are a control freak, learn to give up a little on this one... your child will thank you later.

Perhaps your child will actually have a relationship with you later in life... a GOOD one. Not the kind like some have.. where they only see them at SOME holidays because it's expected... because that's their mother/father.

So, when someone questions why I'm such a proponent for father's rights... perhaps they just need to read this. I'm not perfect and haven't done everything right... but with #2, I didn't do much I'd ever change. With #3, I'd change a lot. With #3, I'd never have talked to her, because you can't have a reasonable conversation with a psycho. Seriously, I know.

And... one last comment. If you think I don't know what it feels like to have a child move in with the other parent... you are wrong. MY son moved in with his dad when he was 16... although he wanted to do it earlier, his dad turned him down because their school district wasn't good... but when he moved to a town with a great school district, better than ours, he moved.

Did it break my heart? Of course. I missed him every day and still do, but we talk often and see each other when we can. He's turning 21 soon and is a GREAT person. And that took his dad and I to do that... because we didn't make his life hell fighting over him. He never had to choose. He always had us both.

So, my point is... remember you aren't the ONLY person who loves the child(ren)... how would you feel with visitation? How would YOU want to be treated if you were on the other side? Do you REALLY want to put your kids in the middle? Think about it...

~~Kelly Rasmussen